update

Only lord knows how time flies!

Since the last time i wrote i booked my second commercial, playing an architecture on a hewlett packard commercial - not bad 4 auditions and 2 booked jobs. However, EPMC talent got me this huge audition playing the main role in a movie called buddha - if i get this role major breakthrough so fingers crossed.....

I met Jamie fox, gerard butler at some private screening - some movie called law adbiding citizen - okay movie but that geard butler knows how to have an ego etc!!! i asked him the question "you were great, an emotional wreck how did you prepare for your role" he replied "i was fucking brillaint, you ain't seen nothing yet"

i went to playhouse, avalon and circus nightclub - great clubs :)

Washington

Congratulations to me, my second audition and i booked a job, so i need to rub my belly and pat my back at the same time. I booked a commercial for washington state university and will be playing the charater of rajeesh, yes an arab lol

They decided to fly me to portland, oregan than straight to spokaan washington (which is about 200 miles south of seattle).....But portalnd is breath taking, the trees and the two rivers that go through the city, i thought england was green but this place was dark green filled with more green..........

Oh before landing in portland we saw mount st helans - the same volcanic mountain i studied in geography back in london.....apparently it's left a huge white line trailing for miles - so for all those coke users out there this could be heaven.....

And on the way to washington i saw crator lake - it's a lake that use to be a volcano but the volcano exploded and turned into a lake which was filled up with water - and this lake is the deepest lake in america........

Anyway arriving to washington i got the 5 star treatment, my name was held at the airport by a driver wooohooo, whisked off and stayed at the double tree hotel (hilton hotel)............

The next day we shot the commerical, but i got a fucking ticket for not wearing a seat belt - some police officer pulled the whole truck and gave 6 guys a ticket for not wearing seatbelts - hey at least he could have given us a group discount......

can't wait to see the commercial - i had my own trailer too lol

Jamie fox and mr 300 boy gerard butler

it's been a while but i thought i should update all of you. I went to this private screening at the arclight cinema to watch a film called "law abiding citizen" Now when one goes to a private screening it's to help the producers find out crowd reaction - or testing the film to see how great it is............But when i got to the private screening they wouldn't play the god dam frickin movie - i tried to start chants of "Boring" but security told me to hush andi wasn't gonna fight a 400 pound steroid freak (obviously i would have won - coz i would have poked him in the eye or adams apple) - finally a bloke speaks on the microphone and it happens to be the director - anyway the director introudces jamie fox and gerard butler and i'm thinking wtf - why didn't they tell us that they are coming - i was screaming rock n roller - its a movie with gerard butler..............

after the moviue which was okay about a 8/10 i went to the restroom and gerard butler walks in one minute later (no we never compared) and i asked him a question

"you were an emotional wreck and you were fantastic, how did you prepare for the role?"
he replied "i was fucking brillaint, you ain't seen nothing yet"

enough said

Vegas is gonna be a ghsot town in 3 weeks

Apparently las Vegas will be a ghost town in 3 weeks time according to this bloke (who is auditioning for America's got talent). This chap was dead serious on his little mindless theory, he believes that the colorado river is dried up and that there is no water. But Mr loony goes onto to say that there is a state prison and that all the prisoners will be shot dead as they can't supply water! umm this chap will be abused by those judges at americas got talent. But the worst thing about this bloke was his show piece - He was going to make a stupid doll named willy fly in the air by using 4 fans - he said "i'm going to place willy inbewteen those fans and he will fly" good luck mate- i'm sure you're gonna get a first round exit.

I saw kelly clarkson at the hollywood and vine performing. Now i know why she isn't the full package because she is the full package times 2 - in all her videos she looks pretty and stunning (yes she has talent) but when i saw her on stage she was a big girl, i mean big big girl - the film director's of all her music video's have done an amazing job potraying her alot skinny then what she is - shit i'm coming across bitchy, my bad!!!!

Thirdly please do not under any circumstances go hiking in your sandals, if you do you'll get a bruised foot like myself, let common sense prevail not pride. Lastly i had a second round interview with the new W hotel in hollywood. Oh and i got a call back on my second auditon....Come on KHAN you can do it :)

The DMV fued has ended!

My fued and frustration with the dmv has finally ended, the curtain has been drawn and the fat woman has stop singing. I prevailed over those irrating, annoying dumbasses.....I won and passed my driving test - it's no biggie passing the test but its the length and effort that i had to go through! the procedure is more confusing then george bush's dvd collection...........

My two family friends that i refer to as double JJ (and not that stupid wretler named jeff jarrett) have lent me their car for over a month, i think we need more people like these guys, good working americans..............thanks jj!!!

I have also met a few other friends, my circle is growing and soon i'll have a database of friends on my phone - not bad considering i've only been here for over 5 weeks.............i'll give a shout out to corrie, sheetal, kiran and wesley!!!

oh and england beat croatia 5-1 - was npot expecting that

room 322

It's been a week or so since i've written something and this could only mean two things;
1) either I’m lazy or
2) I’ve been busy!

my answer is number 2...... I had dinner with one of the leads from ER and she was a cool chick, she was feeling the farnie(me) charm and wit. I know she liked me (don't wanna sound like an arragont tosser) but she really was into me (or then again maybe not).

Went to florentine garden night club and oh my god these girls know how to shake and move it, I’m surprised that these girls get away with murder on the dance floor.....it's as if they are giving away free lap dances the whole night, but the way they shake their butts is smooth........back home you wouldn’t see this stuff!!!!
I had an argument with room 322 – apparently the guy decided to purchase a hooker (who thought she was fine wine – no honey your just old wine without the good taste) and this hooker had a huge drug attitude – she said “ I go to many great hotels like the Hilton and work and this hotel is a 1 star” and being me I obviously replied back saying “I’m sure you have worked in many hotel rooms, offering late night promotions” …..Big, no BIG mistake – she hit the roof – the goofy guy never clocked on but she did and nagged like a 70 year old woman who has been in a loveless marriage for over 30 years. I had to give them a refund and kick them out the hotel – otherwise the cops would have come.

Oh went to ranyon canyon again, i love that breath taking place, such a nice peaceful friendly place- this place over looks the whole of la, and one can see these attractive hollywood hill houses - oh yes one day they will be mine, hopefully that day will come soon.....a little advice, never go hiking in your sandals, I did and messed up my foot…….
Got my second audition tomorrow – yeah!!!!

Audition 1 - and the big greasy man boob man

Finally i had my first audition in Hollywood, yep my first and hopefully not the last. I was auditioning for a car commercial - nothing great, nothing special but just an average non union car commercial that pays 1000 dollars. The funny thing is I saw lots of insecure actors pitching themselves while waiting - hey buddy i'm not the casting director the guy inside the room is, go tell him...........While being at the audition this tubby chap/bloke/man wearing a tight shirt decided to flex his man boobs at me! WTF - i said to him "put your one trick pony away and tuck those double d's in your stomach" - the guy was stocky, he was tubby and he certainly never heard of cardio vascular.............someone please tell him, but the weird thing is in his head he is probably thinking i am so anold swazzenger - yeah but with 50% more body fat and about 1 foot shorter................

I purchased these apples about 3 weeks ago and for some reason, they have never gone off? they still look ripe, they smell ripe and they look yummy. I don't know what type of nuclear experiement these food manufacturers are doing to these apples but its working. I don't wanna eat an apple and 10 years later i begin to glow green..............

Waiting for auditon number 2.

The woman in agony!

Okay, so I am working night shift at this hotel in hollywood and a customer calls the front desk and says to me "I can hear a woman in agony, call the cops" My first thoughts where to locate this woman in agony!!!!! I searched the car park, next door, the surrounding area and could not find anything - so i'm thinking that the man is lying telling porkies......Being me i decided to confront the man who told me about this incident. I go up to his room (and his male partner is sleeping) - but to my astonishment he was telling the truth and i could hear these agonising screams (sounds like a dying fox or a shot animal) - i investigated further and found out the screams did not come from outside or from some dirty alley way but from the room next door......I listened very quietly and laughed out loud as the woman was having sex - The 2 men could not believe that a woman would make such a noise during those happy moments -

Off to watch chaka khan and arrested development at somje gig today! should be interesting

How to open a banana

Okay, i know that this might sound weird but i have a geeky question? infact its so geeky and meaningless i thought i should ask it; "how do all you guys out there open a banana". I was brought up with the impression that a banana should be open with the side without the stick. But apparently my flat mate thinks the opposite, he thinks that one should open a banana with the stick. Can anyone out there clarify this.

Being a british actor (waiting for his first audition) i went to a barbar shop and the person who apparently cut my hair, was on a tv show for 4 years and got signed up for a record music deal.....ummm if this happened (not saying it didn't - but 99% likely that it didn't) then why the hell are you cutting my hair............

The scary thing about hollywood is the amount of homeless people you see. I think there is a large increase since i last visited, don't ask me why? maybe due to the fact that the state is bankrupt or people losing their jobs - but they seem alot more happy then the average homeless individual................god knows how any one can stay so positive when being homeless.......

I wrote a short film last night - i'll give you guys more updates on this, i wanna produce and write it and give myself a small part - its a film that has one location........its a short simple movie..... not gonna say its the next best thing since the wheel was invented - just a small creative film..............

peace n love

Farnie

The dmv horror continues

Okay, its week four and I have attended
- 4 DMV test centres
- Had to do a crappy theory test which if one fails you can redo it again after 10 minutes - yeah i know wtf
- and today i failed my driving test even though i have been driving in london for the passed 5 years - the stupid muppet examiner said i cut someone off when indicating - no its a blind spot and i never moved into his lane - it was her word over mine - i was gonna punch her and throw her in my trunk but as i am a gentle man i said no........i have to redo the test on the 9th of september - even though i failed i still drove home - stupid huh?

I construted over 33 office chairs at work today - i think thats a world record. My hands have aged 3 years in the space of 8 hours, my hands look like they are third world hands.......Wow if any one out there can beat that record please let me know.

Oh and at the 3 star hotel we have many homeless people living at the back of the car park - they are kinda like gypsies but not as they can't haggle.

the 3 star hotel - and a cup of tea

okay its week 3 going on week 4 - i'm not sure how much has happened but i think lots have happened -for those who don't know i work nights at some dodgy 3 star hotel in hollywood - on my first night i showed up one hour late and drunk - he gave me 2 hours notice - who calls someone up at 10pm on saturday night asking if they can work (unless you work for 7/11 lol) - by the third day i single handledly destroyed their main computer and their communication lines by dropping tea (by accident) on their main frame computer - thus i never got hired for the next 3,4 days until yesterday. I had a new job title " night auditor, valet and security" - just because they give me a torch light they think i can pass as a security guard. What the hell, its money coming in it helps when you're an actor.

District number 9 is the best film this year - it beats star trek and any movie i have seen - oh i had a haircut today and the bullshit that this guy was talkiing was incredible - he was saying that he got signed up for a big record music deal and that he was on a show for 4 years - yeah right just hurry up and continue to cut my hair - i told him i played for spurs - oh on that note i saw them at the kings head - these liverpool fans out numbered us by 5-1 - but we outnumbered them on goals 2-1 got my dmv driving test on wednesday wish me luck, ........miss everyone at home -

The big fat telly tubby on sunset

Okay - okay its week 2 going onto 3 week and still the hunt for a job continues - yep those pesky kids from school and uni have taken all the jobs - i think we need to ship them to australia like the british did with our criminals........I'm looking to get my SAG film card also known as the fag card, this would allow me to audtion for anything and i hope to get this soon - i have to do extra work - yep extra work to get to the top.....minor bruv!!!!
Oh the chessecake factory was a waste of time, they are not hiring! i wanted to throw a cheesecake at the manager but it looked to nice not to eat.

I went to the standard hotel a lovely hotel and got hit on by some big fat green teletubby gay guy(i have nothing against gay guys) - but i had to say he was smooth - he said to me " are you on my space"
i replied "no"
then he said "do you wanna come to my place" (yes i know arrrrrrh - but smooth for the way he did it)
Apart from that i met a girl who owns 2 pet rats - after the russian drug disaster i moved into a new place which has great karma and light bulbs - the people are sane and funny - I have met loads of people in the film business that love to name drop - even though i pretend that i met george clooney at the skybar 10 minutes before i arrived 0h i love to play mind games- if you're not on imdb.com your bullshitting..........my list of growing friends continue - i do miss the football back home but its eroding slowly - but then again i like the kings head which is a pub that shows all the footy games at 7 am - so i'll be hitting that....

My 2nd week in hollywood - barcelona fc in town - how embarassing

I'm missing everyone back home in England!!!!!!However I got a job interview at the cheesecake factory and hopefully one day i too can become a cheesecake..........Apparently i have 4 years experience being a server and my reference is kevin scott (wasif - my older brother) and feenie (my older sister) - no lie - its amazing what several lies can do to one's cv/resume.

I went to the beach yesterday to get away from the hollywood crowd- it was relaxing, it's so weird sitting on the beach on sunday afternoon compared to rainy old fish n chips london. - i wish you guys were here smoking or drinking or just eating ice cream.........most funniest thing that happened was the barcelona football team came to hollywood to promote barcelona and only 50 fans showed up, so embarrasing! i saw puyol who is built like a brick house- but it was so sad when you can hear individual claps and whistles (mostly coming from me) -if barcelona can get 50 fans, how many fans would spurs get? but i did meet a gay spurs fan who fancies jermaine jenas - thats why he supports spurs.........i've started driving here (without a dmv licence) - borrwed a car and its piss easy,even my 8 year old nephew can drive here...........

My first week in hollywood

I thought i should give you guys a quick update on my first week in hollywood! After losing my deposit money for an apartment to a fat russian cow who takes drugs(how hollywood) I decided to hit the hollywood bowl and watch grace jones (apparently she is a legend - for those who dont know her she is the black girl from conan the barbarian or from 007 with roger moore) - she was great and could still shake it even though she was 61 years old. The crowd were electric and drunk (again how hollywood and always name dropping) the next few days was trying to apply for agents and get a day job, so i constructed over 5 different cv's or resumes - and went to every block from beverly hills to grove street to hollywood blvd to sunset and santa monica - and of course i got hit on from a few gay guys (how hollywood)

I saw a black man mug a white guy, than after the mugging the white guy pretended to act all macho and hard.............pleassssse. But the biggest obstacle is getting my dmv licence or driving licence - i have been to over 3 dmv stores to get my test done and 2 of them don't do it or have closed down permanently......so i decided to visit the third dmv office in glendale (which is about 12 miles) i decided to borrow the delivery bike from the hotel and ride it (its a bike from 1960's rusty and has a big board at the front)- I thought it was a nice day, so why not? it's an adventure so why not! half way through my bike ride the tyre popped - the curse of the dmv and i didnt make it - i had to carry my 2 cent bike all the way home, and thats when i got sunburnt - its been fun week and to top it off i got a new agent!!!!! not bad.........oh and spiderman is sitting next to me in the interent cafe, no lie.