Audition 1 - and the big greasy man boob man

Finally i had my first audition in Hollywood, yep my first and hopefully not the last. I was auditioning for a car commercial - nothing great, nothing special but just an average non union car commercial that pays 1000 dollars. The funny thing is I saw lots of insecure actors pitching themselves while waiting - hey buddy i'm not the casting director the guy inside the room is, go tell him...........While being at the audition this tubby chap/bloke/man wearing a tight shirt decided to flex his man boobs at me! WTF - i said to him "put your one trick pony away and tuck those double d's in your stomach" - the guy was stocky, he was tubby and he certainly never heard of cardio vascular.............someone please tell him, but the weird thing is in his head he is probably thinking i am so anold swazzenger - yeah but with 50% more body fat and about 1 foot shorter................

I purchased these apples about 3 weeks ago and for some reason, they have never gone off? they still look ripe, they smell ripe and they look yummy. I don't know what type of nuclear experiement these food manufacturers are doing to these apples but its working. I don't wanna eat an apple and 10 years later i begin to glow green..............

Waiting for auditon number 2.

The woman in agony!

Okay, so I am working night shift at this hotel in hollywood and a customer calls the front desk and says to me "I can hear a woman in agony, call the cops" My first thoughts where to locate this woman in agony!!!!! I searched the car park, next door, the surrounding area and could not find anything - so i'm thinking that the man is lying telling porkies......Being me i decided to confront the man who told me about this incident. I go up to his room (and his male partner is sleeping) - but to my astonishment he was telling the truth and i could hear these agonising screams (sounds like a dying fox or a shot animal) - i investigated further and found out the screams did not come from outside or from some dirty alley way but from the room next door......I listened very quietly and laughed out loud as the woman was having sex - The 2 men could not believe that a woman would make such a noise during those happy moments -

Off to watch chaka khan and arrested development at somje gig today! should be interesting